I've thought a lot about this post over the last couple of weeks. What I wanted to say, how I truly felt, what I really want.....All of these questions playing tag in my head. With the new year, I reevaluate myself and the person I am. I can say that I don't want to change who I am but I would like to better myself. Become the person I would be proud to have my girls look up and model.
One of my biggest fears is to fail my children. In many ways, I know that I will succeed. I will always love them deeply, be there no matter what the circumstances are, and do my part to keep them safe and happy. However, I worry that I wont be able to help guide them into becoming well round women. Women who are strong and confident without being cocky and mean. Who help those around them whenever/however they can. Who stand up for themselves and their dreams without walking over others. Both of our little girls have such strong personalities and stubborn wills, that some days I worry how they will be as they get older. Who they will affect and whether it will be positively or not. So, when I talk about being a better person, these are the qualities I strive to improve.
I struggle with finding balance between my needs (selfish though that can be) and the needs of others. I struggle with take time to embrace the little moments and find beauty even in the grayest of days. I struggle with finding my confidence without feeling the need to be cocky. And I struggle with so much more. So, I have thought A LOT about what to do, how I should make this changes.
And then today, I stumbled on this blog post, Drops of Awesome. It felt like an answer to my unspoken prayer for guidance. It held the very thing I was looking for, along with the realizations that I am already the person I hope my girls will become. Not every moment or even every day, but by simply striving to be better. By all the moments I do good things and praise those around me, I am being a better self. So, now my goal is to remember to fill my bucket of awesome. To enjoy each victory, to make the good things stand taller and stronger above the bad and to help my girls focus on their awesome too.