Mama thoughts

Growing up I didn't dream about my wedding day or how many kids I would have with that magic perfect husband. The whole idea of marriage and kids terrifies me to limitless bonds. There are theories as to why I was (am in some ways) so commitment phobic but I view so many of those things as blessings on my life. So whatever caused this particular form of my crazy doesn't really matter. As I got older I tried hard to fit into the mold of what a female is suppose to feel as far as relationships. To the point that I jumped into an engagement I knew was completely wrong from the begining and went through a binge of random meaning less relationships before surprising myself and falling in love. But I digress......

When those two little lines appeared five years ago, I was in shock. Not that I was pregnant since I was pretty sure I was before the test and oddly know how it comes about but more the fact that I already loved my baby. The level of pure love that I felt toward the little growing ladybug. I knew she was a girl instantly. So after the ultrasound technician conformed that Hubbins an I would be welcoming a daughter, a new level a fear came about. One mixed with a striking light of excitement and bliss though. I proclaimed that I didn't want pink or princess. In my young naive childless mind I thought that those things would take away her strength in some way. Of course, that lasted about five seconds after she was born. 

Now our house is painted with pink sparkly princess dresses and a rainbow of tutus. And we are blessed with two of the most beautiful strong and brave little girls. I LOVE LIFE! I love that our girls can dig in the dirt or wrestle even in their tutus. I love that they mama their babies, stuffed animals, and basically anything or one that let's them. Our house is a girlly parade or tiaras, baseball, ballet, tea parties, photography, races, and so much more. And our girls, oh how I admire them. They are feisty and stubborn. And yes, sometimes a little too bossy and sassy. But oh how smart they are with imaginations that will take them to great heights. 

I look back on my pre-mommy hood self and snicker. How silly those fears were. How naive I really was. I see parents now who put stereo types on their not born yet babies and I wonder what they will think in a year. Will they realize that it's normal for girls to want to be princesses and mamas but just as good to encourage them to play with bugs and dig in the dirt with cars. So mamas embrace the sparkly poofy pink life of little girls. 

I am one lucky mama of two amazing princesses!


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