A portrait each week of my kids for a year
Sunday, August 18, 2013
You don't understand how completely your life changes when you become a mom. It's not something that can be described or understood, unless you have already felt the shift. There's a unique kind of magic in those first moments when you look into the eyes of your child. The old you fades a way, no, it morphes into a new beautifully wonderfully magical you. I suppose the best and easiest way to describe it would be like a caterpillar finally becoming a butterfly. Through out the pregnancy your soul and heart begin to grow and stretch. They begin to become stronger, braver, and bigger. As if preparing themselves for the pure love and magic that awaits. For the moment you become a Mom.
I look back on the pre-mommy years of my life. The crazy silly things I did or thought. It seems as though, I am looking at another person some days. Not in a sad wistful way though. No, there is still apart of me ready to do crazy silly things. It's a matter of those silly things I crave have changed. Instead of needing to go bar hopping every night, I want to take the girls on adventures and see new things. I no longer feel the need to surround myself with people who are only half loyal or half there. Instead, I focus on the true friendships I have developed and begin to look for friendships that are long lasting. I don't hold grudges but forgive easier. Because life is too short and precious. I want my daughters to learn from a better me so that they grow into young women to be proud off.
Being a mommy is my first priority. Being a mommy and wife are the titles I strive to make stronger and keep. So, I make choice so that I can provide better in those roles. At the end of the day, when our kids are grow, I will regret not making the decision to stay home more, to be a big part of their little lives. I will regret time not spent with them or having to miss those mile stones.
Yes, I have changed a great deal in becoming a mommy and even almost five years later, I continue to grow and stretch. I will forever be morphing into a butterfly.
Friday, August 16, 2013
This photo was taken after the girls had a "your the best sister session"
Jozy started by saying "your the best Aidan sister. I love you!"
Ladybug piped up with "your the best Jozy sister. I love you more."
And they went back and forth adding a few "your my best friend" in there too. Then they Hugged tightly and Ladybug gave Lil sis a kiss as I snapped this picture!
Friday, August 9, 2013
Sunday, August 4, 2013
I am writing this post in a quiet house after a morning snuggle with my beautiful niece. I forget how peaceful mornings can be. How they seem to cater to a need of deep thinking and finding grace. I suppose snuggling a content little baby helps too. There's a magic in morning hours. The ones before a house wakes up with kids laughter and tears, with coffee brewing and morning talks. When everything is quiet except for the occasional snores or deep breaths, when the house seems to be glowing in the peace of waking and stretching. As it gears up for another day.
Over the last couple of weeks, I've ponder what the next step is. Where I should go from here. Truthfully, it's been over a few months and in so many ways I am still unsure of my path. I used to wing it. Taking the step off a cliff knowing that somehow I will be ok. Hell, Sweet Serindpity is my ultimate favorite song because that's the way of life I love. It's a feeling I want back. I want to sell everything we own, buy a trailer and travel around with the girls. Be gypsies or some such, and live. Doesn't that sound nice? I think so. However,I am a mom first and foremost. So, the practical side of me seems to have the loudest voice. Is it wise to move so much? What about making friends that you know forever? I loved moving all the time as a kid. I loved the adventure and the fresh start. I love so much more than I regret. But somedays, somedays I wish I could say "so&so and I have been friends since preschool, or jr high." I want that for the girls, but I also want them to have adventure like I did.
Perhaps, that's why I feel unsettled. I've had the same job for 4 years now and we've lived in the same house for 3 years this month. I'm ready for change, for adventure. I'm ready to strut down a new road and take new risks. I just need to figure out how to do that while also giving the girls stability and home. My mom was always so good at that. It seemed flawless for her growing up. She's taught me that home really is where your heart is. And to this day no matter what house or city, she lives in or wether or not I have been there in awhile, my home is where she is. I want that for our girls. For them to find home tucked into where ever it is we roam. They find home and comfort in the presence of our family. I hope they learn that it's a feeling of rest, of love, of safety not always just a place.
So, this week I am closing my eyes and following my heart. I am taking that leap of faith that everything will be just right at the end. I'm going to trust that someone or thing is out there watching and protecting us. But right now, my niece is stirring again and I think, I will let my brother and sister-in-law sleep in a little more. They deserve it.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Saturday was a free day at our local Children's museum. So, we spent most of the late morning and most of the afternoon playing!
Last Friday was Rock'n'Ride night at the fair in our area. Since the girls LOVED all the rides last year, Hubbins and I decided to brave the crazy teens and take the girls. Luckily, the kid area was pretty empty and the girls never had to wait in line. Like always, watching them take on new adventures and conquering things all by themselves makes me a little teary eyed and wistful! The girls were so big and brave conquering all the rides on their own. Their face alternating from an excited glow filled with anticipation to a look of worry as the rides spun around and around. They stayed on them though and kept getting on again and again! So big and so brave!