I am writing this post in a quiet house after a morning snuggle with my beautiful niece. I forget how peaceful mornings can be. How they seem to cater to a need of deep thinking and finding grace. I suppose snuggling a content little baby helps too. There's a magic in morning hours. The ones before a house wakes up with kids laughter and tears, with coffee brewing and morning talks. When everything is quiet except for the occasional snores or deep breaths, when the house seems to be glowing in the peace of waking and stretching. As it gears up for another day.
Over the last couple of weeks, I've ponder what the next step is. Where I should go from here. Truthfully, it's been over a few months and in so many ways I am still unsure of my path. I used to wing it. Taking the step off a cliff knowing that somehow I will be ok. Hell, Sweet Serindpity is my ultimate favorite song because that's the way of life I love. It's a feeling I want back. I want to sell everything we own, buy a trailer and travel around with the girls. Be gypsies or some such, and live. Doesn't that sound nice? I think so. However,I am a mom first and foremost. So, the practical side of me seems to have the loudest voice. Is it wise to move so much? What about making friends that you know forever? I loved moving all the time as a kid. I loved the adventure and the fresh start. I love so much more than I regret. But somedays, somedays I wish I could say "so&so and I have been friends since preschool, or jr high." I want that for the girls, but I also want them to have adventure like I did.
Perhaps, that's why I feel unsettled. I've had the same job for 4 years now and we've lived in the same house for 3 years this month. I'm ready for change, for adventure. I'm ready to strut down a new road and take new risks. I just need to figure out how to do that while also giving the girls stability and home. My mom was always so good at that. It seemed flawless for her growing up. She's taught me that home really is where your heart is. And to this day no matter what house or city, she lives in or wether or not I have been there in awhile, my home is where she is. I want that for our girls. For them to find home tucked into where ever it is we roam. They find home and comfort in the presence of our family. I hope they learn that it's a feeling of rest, of love, of safety not always just a place.
So, this week I am closing my eyes and following my heart. I am taking that leap of faith that everything will be just right at the end. I'm going to trust that someone or thing is out there watching and protecting us. But right now, my niece is stirring again and I think, I will let my brother and sister-in-law sleep in a little more. They deserve it.