When I tell people I am primarily a stay at home mom (work two nights a week away from the house), I get the same responses. "Oh, I could never do that. I would get bored." "So all you do is clean, cook and raise kids. Really?!" "Don't you want to have your own life?" And yes, there is the occasional "you are so lucky" or "I'm so jealous." But for the most part my choosen "job" isn't meant very positively. Why is that?
Here's the truth, I didn't dream about marrying Prince Charming and having a house full of kids. I wanted to be a gypsy and travel the world. God had a different plan for me, a much better plan. Ladybug was a surprise, but the moment that positive sign appeared I was a mom. I knew in that moment my life was about to change.
For the first five, well technically six, years of my mommy life I was a working mom. And it was still one of the most amazing things. Anything that gets to include the word "mom" is the coolest thing. And being a working mom is tough. Seriously, I give my props to all the working moms. But when we got pregnant with our third little girl, I knew I couldn't go back to work full time. I prayed about it for months. Hubbins and I worked to pay off bills, and figure out ways for me to stay home. We were blessed and I only work 16hrs a week outside of our home. My primary job is raising three amazing little girls.
That being said its not easy. There are really hard times and we do struggle. We've learned to cut back and go without. We don't travel as much as we would like, but I get to volunteer in the big girls' classes every week. We don't do movies, bowling, etc.... all the time, but I am here after school everyday. I am able to spend the day snuggling Button when she needs it. I am a part of every mile stone and first. The girls have a parent home 98% of the time and it's worth all the withouts and work.
There is no perfect way to parent. There is no 100% quarentied way to not screw up when raising kids. There are a million and one ways to do it wrong it seems, but not one absolutely right way. So why do we insist on shaming other moms? Why do we put down our fellow parents instead of lifting each other up? I don't get it.
I've done both working and stay at home. I love baby wearing but couldn't live without my stroller too. I tried to breastfeed but formula was the better option for my kids. I don't look down on the homeschool mom or the one who has a nanny. I certainly think a single mom or one who's husband is gone for work a lot is nothing short of a hero.
Being a mom is hard and we spend enough time doubting, judging and hurting ourselves. We don't need to help other moms with that. We need to tell them "good job" and "you rock." It doesn't matter how you parent or what your preference is. If you love your kids with your whole heart, then you won! If you are doing everything you can to raise safe, happy, healthy, kind well round humans, then high five!
Stop the mommy shamming or mommy wars. They aren't doing anyone any favors!